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Long time, no see!
Finals have gotten the best of me this semester, and this semester did NOT go how I planned - but I can say honestly I am beyond proud of myself for everything I've overcome this semester.
First, I started going to therapy.
This was hard for me, I've had some bad experiences, I despise being the center of attention/having to talk about myself, and I am terrible about making time for myself. I was very ... hesitant with my new therapist. But boy did she win me over, which was a big surprise for me. I have known that I should have been in therapy for a while now, but I knew going into my first semester of vet school - it wasn't an option for me anymore. And I'm so glad I put myself in that vulnerable position. By the way - you don't need a reason to go talk to someone, you don't even need to go in person anymore. There are some many options, in person or virtual, and some are free or low cost. If you're considering it, if the thought even crossed your mind for a second - email me holly@embarkfoundation.org and I can help you look at some options and you can decide if it might be right you to try!
Second, I know I'm not perfect and I don't know that I'd classify myself as a perfectionist, but I am very, very, very tough on myself, and hold myself to impossible standards. Vet school has thrown all of that in the trash. I'll be honest - I cried every day driving TO school for the first few weeks of school because I have never felt so unintelligent and unworthy in my life - and it did not matter how many people reminded me that I had to be intelligent enough to get it. I did NOT do well on a few of my first exams. By not well, I was concerned I would be failing a class or two. (I did not - woohoo!). I did however, get multiple C's - in fact I CELEBRATED one of those C's which is extremely unusual for me. One of those C's - I got the lowest possible D you could get on the first exam, on the second exam I got a high high B, and the third an A ... and I got a C in the class. The other one, first I thought I would fail, then I thought for sure a D and was crying all the time (including once in front of the professor), and then I got the C and boy was I elated. And I sat there looking at my grades trying so so so hard not to be devastated by the C's, not to be angry that I got even get a C in the one class I improved so much in - and I reached a point where I realized I can cry or yell or lay down and mope all I want - but it's over and I did my best and it wasn't pretty but it was ENOUGH.
There was a lot of bad this semester for me, and I have been struggling a lot. But I am so proud of myself for growing and being able to let go of things that bother me so much and think about the positive part that I have to be thankful about.
Have a similar story about this past semester? Or life in general? Drop us a line, we'd love to hear from you!
Holly
holly@embarkfoundation.org
